Hypebusta 2: Die-bus-ta! Batman: Arkham Asylum

Hypebuster: Batman: Arkham Asylum

I played the first two hours of Arkham Asylum at a friend's house. I was not impressed. At first glance I wasn't impressed with the Unreal Engine and the plastic sheen it coated everything with. Combat was another thing that didn't impress me either. Spam square until one of the goons' head flashes, then hit triangle. Last week I got caught up on Scott Snyder's amazing run on Detective Comics and caught bat fever -- rabies as it's called -- and thought I should give Arkham Asylum a fair shake. Arkham Asylum is supposedly the best since the Sunsoft game that I played many years ago on my NES. I like Batman. I'm a little wary when Batman "fans" say that this is a great game. As someone who likes Batman and actually reads the books, I hate other people who say they like Batman. They don't actually like Batman. "Durrr, I like Batman because he doesn't have any powers and he's still able to be a hero." Shut up. Green Arrow, Ted Kord, half the New Avengers, and countless other heroes don't have powers. Where's your love for them? They couldn't tell you who Black Mask or the Black Glove were. They don't know the shittiness of Hush. They are the wanks solely informed by the movies and what big news makes it to mainstream media like Bruce Wayne's "death." Enough of my complaining. Nerd rage, a'hoy!. On to the game!

Initial Impressions:

Great voice work. Can't go wrong with Conroy and Hamill.

Combat is well animated but very well automated. Same reason Ass Creed turned me off.

Getting gadgets that open up new areas I couldn't previously access a la Metroidvania? Cool.

Why is the first person at chest height?

Detective Vision takes all the detective work out of playing the game.

These Riddler nuggets all over the place are not going to get me to explore every nook and cranny of Arkham.

Zsaz is one of the few guys in the rogues gallery who can put up a fight and you take him out like that?! C'mon, give me a cool fight.

Batman should always be prepared. At least he starts out with most of his gadgets in Arkham City.

Christ, the stick is analog. A run button in this generation is ridiculous.

Stealth is okay so far. Having a gargoyle every 20 feet makes things a bit to easy though.

"Yeah, the Bane fight's real cool," I said in a biting tone.

Watched my buddy beat Killer Croc. Run away, throw a batarang. "Looks fun," I said with a dry bitterness.

Watched my buddy beat the Joker. An even lamer final boss fight than Mass Effect 2. How shitty are this game's bosses?

Detective Work:

Playing on hard. Removes faux spider-sense and you actually have to watch enemy animations for countering.

Watching the intro again. It really feels like a Batman story. Rocksteady nailed it on the presentation front.

No credit for Bill Finger. Not the game's fault.

Batman talks to himself too much. As if Detective Vision wasn't enough hand holding.

You know, I'd be more impressed with Scarecrow if I'd never played the psychological platforming of American McGee's Alice and its sequel.

Really vulnerable on hard. Makes every victory really rewarding.

God, that Killer Croc section is longer than it is interesting.

Hit a wall. Titan with wave after wave of goons. Oy, this is going to take Elvis-like focus. God Hand Elvis, not Presly.

Poison Ivy. Really? Throw batarangs while fighting off wave after wave of goons again?

C'mon!!! Another Titan plus wave of goons fight?!

Christ. Last boss fight is also the worst boss fight. Titan Joker and goons. Whoop dee fucking doo.

EXPLODING PUNCH!!!

Killing Joke or Just a Joke?

Arkham Asylum is a well polished game. I would love to use the old standard, "You can't polish a turd," but I can't. It's not a quite turd of a game. Is it a AAA, killer app, gold medal game? It's a really polished piece of fool's gold, maybe a gleaming bronze. A dull silver at most. I'm not going to say it's a bad game because it's a well put together game. It's just a solid game that I didn't enjoy that much going through. It's a solid game that that I had no motivation to keep playing. It's a matter of taste. After playing this game, I think I have a better sense of my tastes. Arkham Asylum is a mechanically sound game. I'm just not fond of how it utilizes those mechanics.

There are two pillars on which Arkham Asylum stands: combat and stealth. The combat is well animated and fluid, but it remains stagnant through out the entire game. Part of that is the lack of enemy types. They introduce knife wielding and stun rod wielding foes, but they way they change combat is very insignificant especially with how few of these "different" enemies you encounter. Then there are the Titan fights. Big guy, throw a batarang at his face, dodge, hit him, fight wave after wave of thugs at the same time. That is the only other type of combat in the game, and it's an uninteresting change of pace when they have you fight that same fight multiple times through out the game. The "boss fights" were disappointing as well. I'm glad they're thinking outside the box for boss fights. I truly applaud their effort. The majority of Batman's rogues gallery don't hold a candle to him in fisticuffs. And with more formidable foes, Batman uses more indirect solutions. I just wish the solution wasn't always throwing a batarang at someone's face.

With one pillar shattered, Arkham Asylum is standing solely on stealth. I have to say, I wish there was more sneaking than combat as stealth was much more dynamic gameplay than the stale combat. Though stealth can be handled with more variety than combat, stealth too got stale as every situation can be dealt with by glide kicking everybody from the gargoyles. The developers clearly realized that aspect hence they specifically created a room with exploding gargoyles.

A problem with Arkham Asylum is how segregated the two core gameplays are. The player moves to a room where he has to sneak his way through and then the player is brought to a room where he has to fight it out. The master of stealth that Batman is, he should have the option to sneak past twenty thugs instead of facing them head on. Because Arkham Asylum fails to join the two types of gameplay by having either option available to players at any time, the game is either an action game that forces stealth upon the player or it's a stealth game that forces action upon the player. The player also gains all these tools and gadgets and they don't make a lick of difference on the two pillars of gameplay. They alter traversal and that's it. Traversal is inconsequential as Riddler trophies and what not are such hollow carrots to get you to explore past areas with new gadgets.

I was very diplomatic in my write up, but in my heart of hearts I'm screaming that Batman: Arkham Asylum is an over-rated piece of shit game. As the game has more than failed to live up to the hype, I shan't be touching it ever again. Perhaps I'll download the Arrival for Mass Effect 2 while I wait for the next hypebuster game to come in.

Next time on hypebuster: Alpha Protocol? Time to do some anti-hype hype busting.