Failed Endeavors, New Endeavors

Well, 'Zine of the Enders isn't happening as my writing collaborators sort of bailed on me. To be fair though, I didn't lead well and set a bad example by not finishing the pieces I started writing. My mind wanders too much.

Our new endeavor is GameCenter USX. The plan is to rip off GameCenter CX, but with Americans (hence the "USX," duh). The first episode we have planned is Friday the Thirteenth, but this also may be another failed endeavor since one of us (also the one with the camera) has a somewhat irregular schedule. Aside from the main show, I'll also be producing GameCenter Gaiden segments that feature Abe the cameraman. This will most likely bear some fruit as there's 200gb of captured footage sitting on my hard drive and I really want to get rid of it someday. I've already started cutting it together, though I've been distracted by the downloading and viewing of Gundam Zeta (only ten eps left, will be back on track soon). The below is a teaser I threw together to test the capture and editing software.

Dick of Death

The Dick of Death is the premiere Duck of Death tribute podcast. It's awful and you will feel awful when you listen to it. With Paolo and Travis in the two man booth, our conversation meanders from the Avengers, gardening, mumbling about why we're not talking about comics, and various summer fun-tivities.

Comics Recommendations:We botched comics talk during the show so I've provided comics recommendations below.

►Sensational Spider-Man Annual by Matt Fraction and Salvador Larocca
►Civil War: The Confession by Brian Michael Bendis and Alex Maleev
Oldies but goodies. Spider-Man and Iron Man are my two favorite heroes and these two teams nail those characters and what drives them and who they fundamentally are. And who doesn't love a solid one-shot.
►Animal Man by Jeff Lemire and Travel Foreman
Been a fan of Travel Foreman since he did the Ares mini-series for Marvel and if had known he was the artist on Animal Man I would've checked it out sooner. I've been a light fan of Animal Man since 52 when he was traipsing about the universe with Adam Strange and Starfire but never really got into him and past arcs mainly due to my dislike of Grant Morrison. The Annual issue of Animal Man came out this week and I decided to check it out on whim. Suffice it to say, I was impressed and immediately downloaded every New 52 issue of Animal Man available. I'm rather too lazy to explain why it's neat but if you like past Animal Man stuff or Swamp Thing, definitely check it out. Foreman draws a great meat dimension.


I have a deep hatred for Grant Morrison. I'm from the Will Eisner school of thought of telling as much story in as few pages as possible and each individual issue needs to be able to stand on its own. Morrison on the other hand says to the audience, "You haven't read the rest of my two year run on Batman and you don't get the references to the Batman issues I grew up with as a kid? Well, fuck you. Now read this Batman issue that takes place pre-New 52 even though it's being released post-New 52."

While sorting my comics out last night I ended up rereading Infinite Crisis and concluded that this was indeed the best Crisis (Identity doesn't count). In the grand scale of Infinite Crisis, Geoff Johns peppers in these beautiful character moments throughout the event, my favorite being Batman's "fuck you" to Earth-2 Superman after contemplating the fate of Dick Grayson in the new world E2 Supes and his cohorts plan to make. Again with Batman, there's when he conveys his insecurity to Dick by admitting that he failed to trust in and connect with others (which led him to the events of Tower of Babel and the development of OMAC). There are also the motivations of the Infinite's antagonists that have far more more depth than the Anti-Monitor's and Darkseid's reasons for ruining everyone's day. All Superboy-Prime wants to do is go home. It's those character moments that keep Infinite's narrative relatively contained in a neat little package. It helps if you've read the Teen Titans arc where Lex Luthor used Superboy to hurt his friends or if you were there turning the page and seeing Ted Kord getting shot in the face, but Johns is able to convey the driving factors of the Crisis through the characters within its pages.
 Final Crisis on the other hand is utter non-sense unless you read Death of the New Gods, Countdown, Seven Soldiers, and plethora of other tie-ins/lead-ups. Final definitely feels like the locomotion of events are being driven by outer forces and not by what's on the page. More often than not it seems that Morrison is driven more on concept and plot and that is especially true with Final Crisis. Morrison's Crisis feels like its driven by the author and not the characters inhabiting the narrative, although with the motif of storytelling through out Final and his love of breaking the fourth wall, it may be an intentional feeling Morrison is trying to cultivate. The only character driven moment of note in Final Crisis is Bruce Wayne breaking his one rule and shooting Darkseid with a godkiller bullet. Batman has always lived by a code but was aware that the current situation was bigger than one man and his morals. It's a powerful moment that gets cheapened when Batman's sacrifice doesn't actually accomplish anything until the next issue when the Flashes run through Darkseid with the Black Racer in tow, and even then in the issue after that Superman has to sing Darkseid to death.
Long story short,
►All-Star Superman by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely.
Despite my dislike of Morrison, he is quite magical every once in a while and with All-Star Superman he delivers one of the greatest Superman stories of all time.

Going Analog...

Before we get to the main event, Clover is now on Soundcloud. Gone are the days of downloading the podcast like some primitive ape.

Now activity on Clover has been dead for sometime. Blogging has been suspended in order to concentrate efforts on taking our ramblings analog with 'Zine of the Enders.

We're shooting for three issues with a limited print release and a PDF release as well. We also plan on recording a podcast to be released with the 'zine. Here's a look at the cover art for the first issue (a work in progress).

Hypebusta? Alpha Protocol

Hypebuster: Alpha Protocol

Mass Effect 2 and Final Fantasy XIII were two of last year's big RPGs. If Resonance of Fate was the anti-FF13, then Alpha Protocol was the anti-ME2. Mass Effect 2 was a third-person shooter RPG that started turning its back on RPG elements and Final Fantasy XIII was a traditional RPG that forgot it was a game to be more cinematic and automated. While those two existed in the light, Resonance of Fate and Alpha Protocol lurked about in the margins giving more traditional RPG fans the conventions they wanted while still offering genre-bending innovation. I originally planned to pick up Alpha Protocol in the "Summer of Sega" that involved Bayonetta, Infinite Space, and Resonance of Fate. In 2010, Sega made an effort to bring forth new IPs. It's a shame none of them sold well since they'll probably stop publishing new IPs and focus on licensed properties and Sonic. I would've further supported Sega's fostering of new IPs with the purchase of Alpha Protocol then, but I didn't want to pick up another RPG without having finished Resonance of Fate. Time went by, summer ended, Resonance of Fate was still unfinished, and the price of Alpha Protocol went lower and lower.Now a year later, I have picked it up for $12.Reconnaissance:

Espionage RPG? What a novel idea! Finally an RPG that isn't sci-fi or fantasy!

Good ideas, very flawed execution.

Guns blazing, melee, stealth, or talking my way through a situation? It's nice to have options unlike certain bat themed heroes. Let's go for a stealth focus with shotgun proficiency. That might not work out so well, but what the hell.

Obsidian is known for interesting stories that allow for dynamic role-playing.

Obsidian is known for making some janky ass games.

Dialog choices that have actual consequences. Much better than waiting for a sequel to see all a choice changed was a single line of dialog.

Even negative relationships have perks. What a nice carrot to get people out of the mind set of thinking of what conversation choice will yield benefits

Missing head shots due to invisible "dice." Gross. This ain't 2007.

Stuck as Michael Thorton. Can't make a female character. You're ruining my RP, bro! That's fine though. It's not a spy story with out a little misogyny. Gonna play Thorton as a giant poon hound.

Deep Cover:

Holy crap. The classic "Sega" sound bite.

Mike Thorton, a man of many poor animations.

The gameplay is ass!

I regret picking Recruit class, I have no starting points!

Better understanding of gameplay and systems, less ass.

Hubs, hubs, hubs, I love hubs. I want to give all these hubs hugs.

If the game didn't crash, I probably would've skipped dinner. Thanks, Obsidian.

Okay, skills leveled up. Gameplay much less ass, having loads of fun pumping stealth. Forced into a firefight where I had to protect a guy. Only time I regret not putting any points in weapons.

Crash number 2. And while it was auto-saving. Here's hoping I didn't lose that file.

Brayko is awesome! 80's obsessed Russian gangster with gold SMGs who cokes up and chases you with knives. "when you bleed like that, you remind me of my first girlfriend." Easily the best taunt of any game. Too bad it's one of those fights where they send endless goons at you. A glitch worked out in my favor though. I don't think I would've beat him otherwise. Note to self: at least put a couple points in your guns.

Stealth maxed, decent points in hand guns and melee, a couple in hacking and assault rifles -- Thorton is now a badass. This is leveling up: making significant changes in how your character operates. So very rewarding.

These boss fights would be cooler if they took the time to tune their diffculty up instead of just tossing in endless goons.

End game bosses are cool because I actually got to use my stealth against them.

I would've whipped up more notes while playing, but I was quite involved in the exerience.

Wet works or a sopping wet mess?

As was established in the Batman: Arkham Asylum edition of Hypebuster, polish doesn't make a game. However, the severe lack of polish can break a game. Alpha Protocol, though rough at times and without coat upon coat of polish, is a gem nonetheless. Alpha Protocol is a captivating game. As of this posting, two playthroughs have been completed with the possibility of a third. The game's level of variation has me coming back. The choices I made in the two playthroughs had produced different results and I'm curious to see how I can further alter the events of the game through my decisions.

Decisions matter in this game, and not just decisions made during dialog. From the order in which the missions are completed, how you respond to people, whether or not you killed certain enemies or knocked them out and so forth, most all decisions in the game carry weight. Unlike the previous hypebuster game, Mass Effect 2, decisions do not revolve around a binary system that limits the player's options when they don't adhere to the binary system. There is more complexity in the web of role-playing as decisions the player has do not always have obvious outcomes and there is an uncertainty as to how other characters will respond to choices you made hours earlier. Alpha Protocol rewards role-playing instead of the people pleasing for rewards type of role-playing that is in Mass Effect. Even having negative character relationships offers perks and other benefits, not just positive relationships. Anybody who loves role-playing should definitely check out Alpha Protocol.

With such solid role-playing, it's the game that holds Alpha Protocol back. Though the game has cover based third-person shooting, it can't fully be judged by the criteria of that genre. Strictly by that criteria, Alpha Protocol is not the best shooter. Shooting requires a more tactical approach for it to be useful. Because of the RPG factors involved in shooting like passive abilities and active abilities, the combat more akin to a Valkyria Chronicles than say an Army of Two. Off the bat, weapons are weak and inaccurate. A weapon's effectiveness is a matter of lining up shots and waiting for the reticle to either charge or focus. Fortunately, the enemy is as awful a shot as Thorton which allows the player to charge their shots.

Stealth is also a bit wonky, at least at the outset. At first, especially with the Recruit class that has no starting points to allocate, stealth is tough to pull off. To make stealth effective, it's necessary to level up stealth to increase the effectiveness of passive skills and it also helps to equip the right type of armor and add the armor mods that enhance stealth. The game isn't a stealth game or a third-person shooter; for better or worse, it's an RPG to it's core. It's a mindset that takes a bit to adjust to, especially when one's standard to stealth is Metal Gear and when coming off a solid third-person shooter like Mass Effect 2. Becuase it's an RPG, the player has to consider the RPG elements. It's easy to forget that Michael has access to active skills and buffs that aid in combat. Playing without those skills makes the game harder to play and playing with those skills makes the game more fun and interesting, like the ability to cloak and sneak up to a guy's face and punch him in the neck.

A small sore spot is the game's boss fights. The bosses have the potential to be more interesting, or maybe I've been spoiled by Metal Gear. The boss for Moscow, Brayko, is one of my favorite characters in a while. The other bosses also have interesting personalities, but nowhere near as fun as Brayko. Unfortunately for the bosses, the actual fights aren't as interesting as their character. Any potential for an interesting boss fight is swept away in frustration by the endless waves of goons that accompany every boss. The boss fights aren't game breaking in the least, I just thought I needed something to gripe about after gushing so much earlier. Alpha Protocol is a must play for any RPG fan, especially if they're bored with the genre's tropes.



Next time on hypebuster... who knows? I'm waiting for El Shaddai to hit that $45 mark or for my buddy to platinum Shadows of the Damned so he never has to play it again. This is probably the end of the hypebuster series. Having Alpha Protocol in this blog series was a bit of a stretch. Until next time, keep your brains burning and those thumbs blistered.

Hypebusta 2: Die-bus-ta! Batman: Arkham Asylum

Hypebuster: Batman: Arkham Asylum

I played the first two hours of Arkham Asylum at a friend's house. I was not impressed. At first glance I wasn't impressed with the Unreal Engine and the plastic sheen it coated everything with. Combat was another thing that didn't impress me either. Spam square until one of the goons' head flashes, then hit triangle. Last week I got caught up on Scott Snyder's amazing run on Detective Comics and caught bat fever -- rabies as it's called -- and thought I should give Arkham Asylum a fair shake. Arkham Asylum is supposedly the best since the Sunsoft game that I played many years ago on my NES. I like Batman. I'm a little wary when Batman "fans" say that this is a great game. As someone who likes Batman and actually reads the books, I hate other people who say they like Batman. They don't actually like Batman. "Durrr, I like Batman because he doesn't have any powers and he's still able to be a hero." Shut up. Green Arrow, Ted Kord, half the New Avengers, and countless other heroes don't have powers. Where's your love for them? They couldn't tell you who Black Mask or the Black Glove were. They don't know the shittiness of Hush. They are the wanks solely informed by the movies and what big news makes it to mainstream media like Bruce Wayne's "death." Enough of my complaining. Nerd rage, a'hoy!. On to the game!

Initial Impressions:

Great voice work. Can't go wrong with Conroy and Hamill.

Combat is well animated but very well automated. Same reason Ass Creed turned me off.

Getting gadgets that open up new areas I couldn't previously access a la Metroidvania? Cool.

Why is the first person at chest height?

Detective Vision takes all the detective work out of playing the game.

These Riddler nuggets all over the place are not going to get me to explore every nook and cranny of Arkham.

Zsaz is one of the few guys in the rogues gallery who can put up a fight and you take him out like that?! C'mon, give me a cool fight.

Batman should always be prepared. At least he starts out with most of his gadgets in Arkham City.

Christ, the stick is analog. A run button in this generation is ridiculous.

Stealth is okay so far. Having a gargoyle every 20 feet makes things a bit to easy though.

"Yeah, the Bane fight's real cool," I said in a biting tone.

Watched my buddy beat Killer Croc. Run away, throw a batarang. "Looks fun," I said with a dry bitterness.

Watched my buddy beat the Joker. An even lamer final boss fight than Mass Effect 2. How shitty are this game's bosses?

Detective Work:

Playing on hard. Removes faux spider-sense and you actually have to watch enemy animations for countering.

Watching the intro again. It really feels like a Batman story. Rocksteady nailed it on the presentation front.

No credit for Bill Finger. Not the game's fault.

Batman talks to himself too much. As if Detective Vision wasn't enough hand holding.

You know, I'd be more impressed with Scarecrow if I'd never played the psychological platforming of American McGee's Alice and its sequel.

Really vulnerable on hard. Makes every victory really rewarding.

God, that Killer Croc section is longer than it is interesting.

Hit a wall. Titan with wave after wave of goons. Oy, this is going to take Elvis-like focus. God Hand Elvis, not Presly.

Poison Ivy. Really? Throw batarangs while fighting off wave after wave of goons again?

C'mon!!! Another Titan plus wave of goons fight?!

Christ. Last boss fight is also the worst boss fight. Titan Joker and goons. Whoop dee fucking doo.

EXPLODING PUNCH!!!

Killing Joke or Just a Joke?

Arkham Asylum is a well polished game. I would love to use the old standard, "You can't polish a turd," but I can't. It's not a quite turd of a game. Is it a AAA, killer app, gold medal game? It's a really polished piece of fool's gold, maybe a gleaming bronze. A dull silver at most. I'm not going to say it's a bad game because it's a well put together game. It's just a solid game that I didn't enjoy that much going through. It's a solid game that that I had no motivation to keep playing. It's a matter of taste. After playing this game, I think I have a better sense of my tastes. Arkham Asylum is a mechanically sound game. I'm just not fond of how it utilizes those mechanics.

There are two pillars on which Arkham Asylum stands: combat and stealth. The combat is well animated and fluid, but it remains stagnant through out the entire game. Part of that is the lack of enemy types. They introduce knife wielding and stun rod wielding foes, but they way they change combat is very insignificant especially with how few of these "different" enemies you encounter. Then there are the Titan fights. Big guy, throw a batarang at his face, dodge, hit him, fight wave after wave of thugs at the same time. That is the only other type of combat in the game, and it's an uninteresting change of pace when they have you fight that same fight multiple times through out the game. The "boss fights" were disappointing as well. I'm glad they're thinking outside the box for boss fights. I truly applaud their effort. The majority of Batman's rogues gallery don't hold a candle to him in fisticuffs. And with more formidable foes, Batman uses more indirect solutions. I just wish the solution wasn't always throwing a batarang at someone's face.

With one pillar shattered, Arkham Asylum is standing solely on stealth. I have to say, I wish there was more sneaking than combat as stealth was much more dynamic gameplay than the stale combat. Though stealth can be handled with more variety than combat, stealth too got stale as every situation can be dealt with by glide kicking everybody from the gargoyles. The developers clearly realized that aspect hence they specifically created a room with exploding gargoyles.

A problem with Arkham Asylum is how segregated the two core gameplays are. The player moves to a room where he has to sneak his way through and then the player is brought to a room where he has to fight it out. The master of stealth that Batman is, he should have the option to sneak past twenty thugs instead of facing them head on. Because Arkham Asylum fails to join the two types of gameplay by having either option available to players at any time, the game is either an action game that forces stealth upon the player or it's a stealth game that forces action upon the player. The player also gains all these tools and gadgets and they don't make a lick of difference on the two pillars of gameplay. They alter traversal and that's it. Traversal is inconsequential as Riddler trophies and what not are such hollow carrots to get you to explore past areas with new gadgets.

I was very diplomatic in my write up, but in my heart of hearts I'm screaming that Batman: Arkham Asylum is an over-rated piece of shit game. As the game has more than failed to live up to the hype, I shan't be touching it ever again. Perhaps I'll download the Arrival for Mass Effect 2 while I wait for the next hypebuster game to come in.

Next time on hypebuster: Alpha Protocol? Time to do some anti-hype hype busting.

Hypebusta... Hypebusta! Mass Effect 2

Preface:
I will explain my conceit for my Hypebuster blog series through this excerpt from The Royal Tenenbaums.

Eli - Let me ask you something. Why would a review make the point of saying someone's not a genius? You think I'm especially not a genius? I know w... You didn't even have to think about it, did you?
Margot - Well, I just don't use that word lightly.

Hypebuster: Mass Effect 2

So I got the PS3 version of Mass Effect 2 for $30 new on Amazon. I don't mind missing the first game since I get that motion comic that sums it up and I get to make the choices that matter via the comic. I never cared for Mass Effect before. I became interested in the franchise after beating Infinite Space a second time and I was really jonesing for some sci-fi. From everything I've heard about it -- from blogs, reviews, podcasts, friends who've played it, -- Mass Effect isn't quite my cup of tea. If I want spactacular third-person shooter, I'll pop in Vanquish. If I want a story and characters, I'll hit up my bookshelf (which doubles as a DVD shelf). If I want RPG customization, I'll continue playthrough six of Final Fantasy Tactics. Is the sum of Mass Effect's components greater than the parts that comprise it? Plus as a hipster, of course I automatically hate Mass Effect 'cause it's mainstream. That and my friend/big ex's boyfriend has an N7 hoodie and he's a supremely lame dude. We refer to him as "potato" when we talk about him. Ideally I would be pirating Mass Effect and its sequel on my dad's fancy new computer, but I really don't want to deal with my mom kicking me off so she can check her facebook. So $30?! I'll buy most any game for $30.

Thoughts prior to playing:

This gen's Bioware games are more focused on "role playing" than "playing game."

What lame box art.

Lame hair options for female Shepard.

Lamest final boss fight ever.

I'm absolutely not interested in romancing anybody.

Combat isn't anything to write home about.

Very limited customization for an RPG.

Bland and generic sci-fi/fantasy plot. Ancient evil returns and the peoples of Middle-Earth must band together!

Traipsing through sci-fi corridors with Legion and Mordin is very appealing and my main reason for wanting to play ME2.

The Asari should not have breasts as they are a feature of mammalian sexual dimorphism. With their longevity and lack of sex, I'd say the Asari are closer to sponges.

I find the idea of reprogramming the heretic Geth morally reprehensible. As a sentient species, it is not right to forcibly take away their sovereignty. It's bullshit that that's the paragon choice. I will give them liberty and give them death!

I'm fascinated by the geth. If I lived in that universe, I would try to study them and try to live with them. The Jane Goodall of Geth.

The Renegade/Paragon binary is not conducive to true role playing.

Thoughts while playing:

Played for 16 hours in less than a 24 hour time frame. Must be hooked.

It's loads of fun charging guys and blasting them in the face with a shotgun. Vanguard by the bye.

Mordin is more interesting than I thought he would be. Anyone who sings Gilbert and Sullivan is great in my book.

Jacob is a bigger tool than I thought he would be.

Illium's architecture is too generically futuristic.

Being a single sex species, the Asari really shouldn't be using female pronouns to refer to other Asari since the species has no females or males.

I wish the Normandy was deconstructed into a series of menus. I'm sick of moving Shepard's slow ass through the ship. Shepard's slow ass in general.

Diggin' the heist film formula for the game's narrative arc: gather a bunch of specialists for the big job.

Normal was too normal, bumped it up to Veteran. Veteran was too insignificant of a change. Hardcore.

Harder difficulty makes you play more tactically. Played balls out on normal with no risk. On a harder difficulty, you actually have to think about team composition and weapon loadout.

I understand now. Individual customization for your squad was reduced but supplanted by a larger party and the importance of squad composition. I dig it. Getting the right person for the job. Heist film formula.

"Tell me about (blank)." Bioware is supposedly known for good writing. Good? Kind of. 95% of the dialog is expository. Neat ideas and mythos presented through adequately written dialog? Yes.

Romancing Garrus had some funny dialog.

Man, Liara is a really lame Debby. Friend tells me she was a better character in the first game.

Mining is as boring as I thought it would be. There are more minerals in the galaxy than you will ever need.

Paragon Shep shouldn't have to fight the final boss if they're blowing the place up anyways.

Hit or miss? Hype busted?

After taking an hour long break when I finished the game, I started an Insanity playthrough, tied up some loose trophy ends and net me the platinum. I'm not some masochist who's going to keep playing a game I can't stand playing for the sake of my e-penis. So yeah, I like the game. A lot. But I don't think it completely lives up to the hype. Granted, there's plenty of hype for it to live up to, much too much for my cynical heart.

Role playing in a well crafted world and interacting with interesting characters are a key part of Bioware games. My sad sack, cynical wank friend who wants RPGs to return to the Diablo and Neverwinter Nights days played the Mass Effect series assured me that none of the characters are interesting with the exception of Wrex and one or two others. I can't speak in regards to the first game, but I would concur with my friend to some extent. Japanese RPGs get a lot of flak for adhering to character archetypes, but Western RPGs adhere to archetypes as well. The Mass Effect art books -- yes, I liked Mass Effect enough to download the art books -- even state that they are adhering to certain archetypes.

These sci-fi/fantasy archetypes are very apparent in Mass Effect 2 with its formula of going out and recruiting these specialists for the big job. These are characters we've all seen before. Only this time around, the repentant dying killer is a lizard spaceman and the badass chick who uses her badassness to keep from getting hurt has biotics. Some of the characters have more nuance and depth than others though. I was sold on Mordin, the manic brainiac, and the adventure through the morally gray minefield that is the ethics of the genophage. For a similar reason I enjoyed Legion and his loyalty mission as well as navigating the politics of the Migrant Fleet.

I don't know about the first game, but the relationships in Mass Effect 2 are so superficial. From a developer that places a lot of emphasis on role playing, I didn't feel like I was role playing at all. It felt like I was playing office suck up in order to get people to play ball. For paragon anyways. If anything, I was punished for role playing in my first playthough. Choosing what I felt was an appropriate response for the situation resulted in not having enough paragon or renegade to amicably resolve the conflicts between Legion & Tali and Miranda & Jack which resulted in people's deaths.

I can keep railing against things that irked me or spend my time penetrating the shallowness of the story and characters, but the bottom line is that I really enjoyed my time with Mass Effect. I'm still playing it even after the platinum. I will be getting Mass Effect 3 come March next year, maybe even the collector's edition. I might even download the first Mass Effect as well. With the exception of the Orange Box, Mass Effect 2 is best $30 I've spent on a videogame.
Next time on Hypebuster... Batman: Arkham Asylum
If you stuck with it until the end, thanks. Here's a treat, the true inspiration for hypebusta... hypebusta!!!

E3 2011, In the Year 2000

"In the year 2000... in the year 2000..."

The new Contra that has been teased will be an over-the-shoulder shooter featuring a cover system and regenerating health. It will be exclusively multiplayer with level ups and perks. It will also feature eight hours of cutscenes directed by Hideo Kojima.

Hideo Kojima will announce his first new IP in a decade. However, after the game's first chapter, Kojima pulls a bait and switch and the new IP turns out to be yet another Metal Gear game.

With their new console, Nintendo will announce the game packaged with the system as Nintendo Shovel Battle. In the game, the tablet control device bares the image of a shovel and players bash themselves in the face.

Sony announces rather than digital distribution for the NGP, the handheld will use a new format for games. NGP games will be played by inserting a roll of magnetic strip into the device. The storage media will be called AlphaMax!

For the Halo: Combat Evolved HD remake, Microsoft will release a beta for multiplayer and a campaign demo for Gold subscribers. The demo and beta turns out to be the original Halo and not the HD version, but Live members still believe they're getting a great deal.

Square-Enix unveils Final Fantasy XV. Yoichi Wada says fans of XIII will be excited for this title. The game takes auto-battle and linear locales one step further and removes gameplay altogether.

Capcom introduces a new character for Super Street Fighter IV Arcade Edition: Constipated Gouken.

EA announces their new Game Pass system. In addition to Online Pass, those who buy used copies of EA's games must purchase a $10/800 MS point code to prevent the disc from melting in their system.

In order to revitalize the Guitar Hero and Tony Hawk brands, Activision announces they will be combining the franchises into a single game. The game will astound critics with its perfect blend of skate boarding injected with innovative rhythm mechanics, but it will fail due to players having to purchase $100 of plastic crap and Activision's poor execution of hardware.

2K announces a System Shock reboot. To the shock of many fans, it will be a strategy game.

Sega announces yet another Sonic game. It will suck.

Come on folks, let's hear your predictions for the year 2000.